I feel that I was hardwired to toil honestly hard.
But there are legitimately time that I suppose I’m simply a product of a certain level of environment and time. It felt like there was always this implied promise that if you do the right things then the right things will happen. So I spent much of my time inside the commercial Heating, Ventilation, and A/C trying to do the right thing. I legit have no regrets when dealing with our ethics or our efforts. Yet I ended up with a heart attack in our early fifties. It only got worse as a divorce soon followed. It kind of felt like the universe was piling on. However just being inside the a/c of our rented apartment, I am coming to realize it just does not matter. I did the level best I could and tried to be glad. When I got back on our feet, I mended our hearts a bit by taking a sabbatical. All Wintertide I spent in our cabin in the woods all by myself with the new care about of our life. And that would be the new pet I got once our long marriage was over and I was out on our own. But that Wintertide away was so interesting. I had good heating with a wood stove. But I was also fortunate to have a ductless heat pump whenever I would let the fire die out. It was nice to spend time alone and not be afraid to just sit and stew in our feelings. I care about that cabin and I’m ecstatic that it was such a welcome sanctuary for me over the last winter.